Over the last couple years most of my close friends who have been actively writing and submitting with me since near the beginning have sold. Some of them are on their third and fourth books to go out into the world published.

This, to me, is a reason to be joyous. A reason to celebrate.

And yet, not a month goes by that someone doesn’t slyly try to hint at – if not out-and-out ask me – how I feel about being the last girl sitting in the unpublished section.

First, let me clarify. I have tons of unpublished friends as well. I have friends who write slower because that’s their style or because of their writing/life balance. I have friends who don’t submit aggressively. I have friends who write for hobby. And I do have a few friends from the beginning who write and submit as aggressively as I have who aren’t published. I’ve also met several people along the way in the same boat. Those are their stories to tell though.

But, many, many of my friends who write and submit at the same level of ambition as I do have sold. Many of my closest friends are published authors (either because they were when we met or they became published after that). I have two friends who have gotten the dream contracts – those ones you don’t ever expect to know someone who gets one, let alone earn for yourself.

And so, sometimes I am in rooms at conferences surrounded by amazing women who are amazing writers and have amazing books on the shelf. I’ve sat around having drinks and laughing and realized that I have no idea how I’d gotten into a certain room since I was literally the only unpublished person in it. Apparently, no one checked my ID.

I am blessed.

Blessed to know those people.

Blessed that they couldn’t care less that I’m not published

And yes, blessed that I couldn’t care less that they are published.

You see, other people’s successes don’t bother me. They don’t shame me. They don’t hurt me. They don’t even motivate me. Other people’s successes don’t really have a lot to do with me… or you.

So, when people ask, “How does it feel to be the one not published?” I know they are really asking, “Are you jealous? Does it hurt your friendships?”

Darlings, if we cannot rejoice in the joy of our friends, then our lives and our attitudes have become to small.

Am I Pollyanna? Nope. There is a certain book that has been highly successful that is a joke among my friends because it grates on me. It grates because I think it is sub-par. I don’t know the writer, but I think it’s great she is having success… I just really don’t like the book.

And there is a huge difference. Because, it is possible to dislike a product without having harsh feelings toward it’s creator.

I’ve been wondering as I’ve seen all the meltdowns online lately if some of it is caused by this… this feeling of competition where none truly exists. If the pressure to succeed has tainted relationships so far, that writers feel the brunt force of it from every direction. That the lashing out is a defense mechanism against the hurt of other people’s successes.

If it’s that pressure that has people asking (or hinting) about this.

In the world of writing, the only measuring stick you should have is yourself. If you’re not getting it done, don’t blame your lack of success on being left behind. Look and see what you need to change, grow or do more of. True, sometimes the best of writers with the most wondrous of stories is overlooked (let’s all pretend that’s me, k?) But, usually, when I think about what needs to happen to get my book on the shelf, the answer isn’t:New Yorkneeds to stop buying such-and-such so they can buy me – It’s, I need to A B C and sometimes Q more.

Yes, sometimes that is hard. Sometimes I do feel behind. But, is it my friends’ fault? Or the industries? Or do I just need to continue getting my butt in the chair and working for what I want? I’m going to go with that last one.

By keeping focused squarely on myself, it allows me to honestly rejoice with my friends and colleagues in their successes.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

People ask about the edit cards all the time. A month doesn’t go by when someone doesn’t ask about them.

So, knowing they were on my 2012 goals list, I pulled them out last week to take a look at them to see if they’d be a fun gift to give to my writer friend Abby Mumford for her birthday –> and let’s be honest. Edit Cards are a gift only a writer could love.

But, after playing with them a few hours, I had a group of 50 that looked good enough to give to a friend.

Now, I’m going to pass them on to a few people for opinions. It’s always good to see if anything you use could be bettered.

If you don’t know about the edit cards, click the edit card tag. I blogged on them several times when I just started making them. They really helped me figure out what editing and revisions were all about, get through my first books, and organize my thinking & process.

Now the question I get a lot is, Are you going to sell them?

I don’t know. I have some things I’d have to do before I even considered that. I did use them before when teaching a small writing gig on the side and they were a hit, so maybe down the line. We’ll see.

So, there’s your Edit Card Update…and Abby’s birthday. Poor Abby with the working gift

But, in my life, that’s par for the course.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, check out my New Years [Happy New Year ->OR<- I Didn't See That Coming]  post about how I got sucked into a Get Out There And Date Till You Find Mr. Right pact.

My knee-jerk reaction was the same thing it is when someone “catches me” reading a romance: Justify, justify, justify.

But, here’s the truth: I’m a woman in my 30s. I’ve done a lot, traveled, gone to grad school, created a great life and wonderful circle of friends, I have a career and I’m pursing the dream of publication. I’m by no means “desperate” to find a guy to fill some void (I’m actually actively considering where the space for a solid relationship should come from).

When a man reaches this point in his life and says, You know what? I’d like to find the right girl and get married – he’s “matured” he’s ready to “settle down”. When a woman reaches the same point, she’s become “desperate”.

And so, breaking that misconception I’m going to not only keep with the group, but continue blogging about it all year. For a couple reasons:

• Yes, because there is nothing wrong with women who have created full, great lives wanting to be married to the right guy.
• It’s an opportunity to hangout with girlfriends. With those full lives, we just don’t see each other as often as we’d all like.
• To get to go out and do fun stuff.
• Because you guys got such a kick out of every other havoc filled part of my life (um, Boss Cowboy anyone? Setting myself on fire? Should I even continue listing them?) I thought it would be fun to give a little back for my readers’ enjoyment (read: suck you in to this journey too. I expect dating stories in return!)
• My books may tackle some hefty topics, but they’re still rom coms! What better way to research than to share my adventures and findings here!
• Because, if I’m going to do something, I’m going to do it all the way.

Like any good nerd, I went out and started researching. I picked up, Have Him at Hello: Confessions from 1,000 Guys About What Makes Them Fall in Love . . . Or Never Call Back.

Armed with her Harvard MBA, Rachel embarked on a fascinating 10-year research project to decipher this puzzle.  In Have Him at Hello, she applies her business savvy to the dating world by conducting in-depth “exit interviews” with 1,000 single men, asking why they called back one woman, but not another.  By refusing to accept the post-date brush-off like “There wasn’t any chemistry…” or the excited, but equally vague evening recap, “We hit it off!”  Rachel extracted unabashedly honest and raw details. 

I thought it looked funny and fun. Right up my alley. But to be honest (while it was both of those things) it was also fascinating. The writer in me thinks every woman who writes books with relationships in them should read it.

Also, my housemate Wine Guy kept nodding as I read facts out lout do him. Basically, as a grad thesis thing, this woman talked to 1000 guys about why they didn’t make a second date. Some of it was absurd. Some of it was interesting. A little of it was disheartening. All of it was from a guys point of view.

So, with my first homework done (Oh, don’t you worry. The trip to the library has more books sitting on my TBR pile!) I headed out to our first Eves’ Night Out: Tuesday Night Trivia. Refresher: we decided to do it every Tuesday in January as our first month kick-off.

The MC was great. Funny, nice, kept things moving. The bar had great food and drinks. Wasn’t too dark or too loud. We were told it was an extremely light night and definitely to come back by the waitress.

The guys were… not so much. There were three options:

1. There with their girlfriends
2. Too young
3. Um, no.

Let me clarify the Um, no category for this particular Tuesday night… The name of their team was: Hand Models in search of Hand Jobs.

Yeah.

Seriously.

Um, no.

Oh! We did get approached once: By a 60 year-old drunk-off-his-butt guy. He sat one table away for thirty minutes watching us in one of those uncomfortable stare kind of ways. Then he wove his way over (yes, he was drunk enough to weave for the two steps to our table) and asked if he could sit with us. No. Just for a minute? No. I’ll be quiet. I’ll just sit there and watch you and you won’t even know I’m here. No! No! Noooooo.

Also an Um, no.

To be honest, it was exactly the type of night I expected. I doubt I’ll meet someone in a bar, but I could always be wrong.

That being said. It was a great night and that’s all that mattered. I’m only close with 1/2 the group, so it was fun to get to know one of the other girls better.

And so, in my journey to get out more, have fun, hangout with girlfriends and maybe meet Mr. Right, that’s week one for you folks.

It’s your turn to tell me your favorite Um, no approach. Go on! You know you want to

Don’t worry, I’m sure the ridiculousness level will only go up from here!
kissy-kissy,
Brie

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So, here we go! Goals from the in-between writer

I’ve had throw-downs with other trainers (yup, if you don’t follow me, part of my job and certifications is around time/space/life management and coaching) about “goals that are our of our hands” OR “things we have no control over” — so I’d like to start there and build.

We often say things like, Well, I have no control over if an agent or editor wants to rep/buy my book.

I’m going to challenge that (you knew I would, right? *grin*)

You may have “no control” (challenge in a few….) over getting a deal, but you completely have control over  NOT getting a deal. Buy not writing, polishing, editing, revising, querying, submitting, etc… you will definitely NOT get a deal.

So, here’s the challenge… you may not be able to control the TIMING of your deal, but what can you control to get there.

• Honing your craft by writing, writing, writing
• Honing your craft by reading, reading, reading,
• Honing your craft by seeing projects through to the bitter end (you won’t get better at every step unless you’re DOING every step)
• Having products to send out by writing, writing, writing – More than one. Do not (and this is just my opinion, but I feel pretty strongly about it) live for one book.
• Raising the level of your wips by learning, studying, writing and reading

If you’re doing those, over and over again, will you get someone to eventually want you? I’m thinking that’s a pretty big probably.

See that fourth one? My agent contract came from a book I was working on the side to keep moving forward, keep learning, have something in the slot and try another genre. YES I love my first book (I’m still playing with it WHEN I HAVE TIME) but, knowing that I wasn’t growing (or having anything to sell myself with) kept me moving forward.

Every time someone asked me for my one piece of advice (and they asked a lot when I finalled in the GH (maybe that one piece of advice should be, have one piece of advice to give.)) I always said, Write like you’re going to have a deal tomorrow.

Meaning: have something else to offer, give yourself buffer space by having a “backlist”, learn your writing styles and strengths and weaknesses, be ready to step into that crazy world…and that means writing a lot.

So, with all that, will you get an agent – Yes. I honestly believe that. If you’re not just talking the talk, but working and putting everything into the time you can find (and working to find that time) I believe that you’ll improve your writing, storytelling and crafting to the point that you’ll get an agent — unless you write something that’s super niche and no one can sell you (which is, of course, also a choice…so, yes, you make that NOT decision with that as well).

With all that said, on to my goals

1. I will revise the 3 books I’m working for the Laird
2. I will rewrite & polish the 2 books I have in Disaster Drafts for the Laird
3. I will discuss with said Laird the 2 books and game plan first to make sure I’m doing what’s best for Team Publish Bria
4. I will Disaster Draft at least one more book
5. I will get that darn website up (check back 12/31/12 probably…you know, if the world doesn’t end)
6. I will continue work on the Secret Project you guys hear so much about…and yet hear nothing about *evil laughter*
7. I will force Abby to plan the YA Retreat (Ok, I’ll help, but yeah… *sucks her in*)
8. I will go to a class/museum/historic site for fun and to learn something new once a quarter #nerdygirl
9. I will continue to workout at least three times a week so I don’t get Writer’s Bottom
10. SELL!

I also have some fun or personal things on my 2012 list.

1. Get a great new apartment
2. Get a Full-time permanent job (ditch the contract/consult lifestyle)
3. Take sign-language lessons (I’ve only been wanting to do this since high school)
4. Stay on track with my savings and 401k
5. Be soda free except for “special occasions”
6. Find a new church

I know. It looks like a lot when you write it out like that — and, Yes, if I get that deal everything gets tossed and we reevaluate what needs to be done in what order. That’s so vital. Being able to reprioritize.

But, as the writer in-between, I believe that these are the things I need to do to get it done this year.

Feel free to point and laugh, judge or cheer me on as we go *hopes for the cheering*

May we all have a 2012 filled with blessings, love, hope, peace, and inspiration.
kissy-kissy
Brie

I’m extremely excited about some stuff I have going on — so much so that I basically just tossed the blog for the month. It was nice that one person tweeted me about where my blog was. Dear that one person, you’re my favorite

No! Wait! Today KATE is my favorite

First off, go HERE and check out the other sites she gave it to. They’re a lot of fun and I added them to my when-this-writing-madness-has-ended-check-them-out-more list.

So, check it out:

Pretty cool, huh? Thank you so much Kate for thinking I say things that make sense outside my head… I often doubt that (Or maybe she’s sneaking into my head…which would be really interesting too!)

More about Liebster:

The Award: The Liebster Blog Award is given to up coming bloggers who have less than 200 followers.

Liebster is German and means sweetest, kindest, nicest,dearest, beloved, lovely, kindly, pleasant, valued, cute, endearing, and welcome.

The rules for the Liebster Blog Award are:

1. Thank your Liebster Blog Award presenter on your blog.
2. Link back to the blogger who awarded you.
3. Copy & paste the blog award on your blog
4. Reveal your 5 blog picks.
5. Let them know you choose them by leaving a comment on their blog.

So, my picks for the Liebster:

Abby Mumford & Jessica Corra - Two blogs. Two ladies. Two different sources of inspiration for me when I needed it. So much so that the three of us banded together to begin FWIS (From Where I Stand) the first Wednesday of every month where they continue to inspire me. Seriously, they kick my butt with their blogs.

Kristen Koster at Impulsive Hearts - Seriously, so much amazing information for readers and writers of historical fiction. I’m waiting for someone to give her an honorary degree!

Author Rescue – A new site for authors. Several of my friends blog on their site and the information is always spot on.

Again! Thanks to Kate for the award – I’m going to work hard to be as sweet, kind, nice, dear, beloved, lovely, pleasant, valuable, cute, endearing, and welcoming as I can in 2012.

Now go check out Kate and the other Liebsters!

No idea.

I’m naive like that.

It’s part of my charm.

So, when we sat down to dinner and I asked K how it was going with that guy she was seeing and she said, Odd you should ask that just now. I really should have known something was up.

Regardless, I didn’t truly catch on until J started handing out little notebooks.

You know, people have always told me I live a sitcom life, but here we go putting that into action.

Apparently, everyone had already discussed it and decided. I was not included in these conversations. I was left till the last minute. The, we’re-all-doing-it-and-you-can’t-back-out minute.

This is the year we all go out and find Mr. Right.

No. They’re not kidding. They have…. A Plan.

Here is the plan:

• Every month we’re doing something collectively to meet guys
• Every month we have to do something individually to meet guys
• Each of us has to try at least one online dating scheme… I mean, website
• We each have to offer up 6 ideas for monthly attempts
• We have to report back
• And… let everyone know that I”m single and willing to be set up *panics*

Also, C (who was sick) was not there but they want to make sure she’s in. I am the absolutely strongest believer in getting C involved since she’s even shyer and less outgoing than me. It will be good to not be lowest woman on the social comfort ladder.

So, January. We’re going every Tuesday night to the local bar (not college friendly, young professionals… this as — apparently — been researched and my favorite bar tossed out of the considerations for stupid reasons) for trivia night. Apparently trivia is fun, active, inclusive, gets people talking AND will allow us to see who is stupid… I mean, besides me for letting myself be talked into this.

And so, my usual practice of keeping personal life off the blog has ended. I’m picking up the banner of Go Ahead And Point And Laugh. I figure, this is either a rom com or disaster waiting to happen.  So, I’ll be taking notes and who knows what will end up in a book… I warned them. They’d all had several drinks so I’m not sure if they truly understand what I’ll my using MY notebook for.

Either way you, dear reader, can’t lose.

I’ll be setting up a therapy fund later you can contribute to… wish me luck… or something.

kissy-kissy,
Brie

So, I have these papers. They came in the mail today. They want me to sign them. “Sign me, Bria! Sign me!”

“Okay,” I shout as loud as I can so everyone knows I’m signing them. I mean, why the heck wouldn’t I?

I take out my special pen, the one I did the last round of edits with on the latest book. It’s almost out of ink, but this is a great way to die the pen tells me.

I, who shall sign the papers, salute it.

So the pen signs the paper and dies. We have a moment.

Then I look at the paper again, my heart skitter stepping in my chest. Oh special papers! Oh how I love thee!

I do all the special paper sending preparations and then wait, waiting for the papers to jump up and shout and point and laugh. “HA HA HA Bria! We tricked you! We aren’t for you. You don’t get no stinking special papers.”

But they don’t and I smile. I smile at the papers and my happily self-sacrificing dead pen.

Then I DM Lauren MacLeod (code name: @bostonbookgirl) and shout in capitals, “I GOT THE SPECIAL PAPERS!!!”

And all was well in the world.

So, growing my story….

No matter who you talk to, each writer is going to grow her story differently. Even if you found two people who were 100% plotters, they’re still going to go about it in different ways. That’s one of the beauties of writing – there are very few “wrongs” out there (although, I’m sure we’ve all felt like we’ve hit one or two along the way!).

I’ve talked a lot about my process over the couple years I’ve been blogging here and at the Purple Hearts, but that’s not really what I want to talk about today. I want to talk about the story itself.

One of the huge turning points for me my first year of writing was getting to study under the absolutely amazing Jenny Crusie at one of the Low Country Master Classes with four other women. It was intense, eye-opening and boundary pushing.

And Jenny managed to not push me off the balcony when tool after tool didn’t work for me. I realized I needed to stop trying to use tools ahead of time to create my story. Tools were for cleaning up my writing.

For me, the story is something that’s in me already. It’s living there like a long forgotten memory, buried under all the daily to-do’s and more urgent or frequently discussed memories. It’s like the thing you have in the back of your mind and haven’t thought of in years, and then one day…

POOF

Something triggers that memory.

We’ve all had this happen. Someone says something a particular way or we catch a whiff of a scent that brings us back. Maybe it’s an old song that never gets played or even a piece of clothing that reminds us of a place and time. But there it is, that long forgotten memory drifting to the front of your brain.

Once it’s there, it starts to dig in, popping up in the strangest places throughout the day.

Picture my life as a dinner party (I know, aren’t I fabulous) where somehow this memory from wayyyyy back gets mentioned.

One tiny part opens up to another tiny part and the more we talk about it (think about it) the more the memory becomes fleshed out… Things that would be tiny details in writing are just bits and pieces. Right now, my characters are reminding me of that night they went skinny-dipping and the clay-mud bottom of the pond oozed between her toes holding her in place as much as her fear or embarrassment would have.

Then I mull that, as I remember that night, it grows and builds till I’m dreaming about it like I do my own memories. One small thing leads into another, Oh yeah! I remember that. Once it takes hold, there are dreams that push the story along as I rush to keep up each day writing it out. It never feel like thinking… I know this sounds odd. It feels like remembering. It’s real and vivid and feels like it couldn’t have happened any other way.

When I get to the end, very occasionally I have another Oh, yeah! moment  – Just like I would after leaving the dinner party.

And then, it’s all there – the big picture, the quirky little things that would have only been remembered by my character, the bits and pieces of maturity that distance can bring —– It may look like a mess because it’s written in a crazed race of 9-12 days, but it’s all there. The guts.

The STORY.

The rest, as I keep telling myself (and anyone else who will listen) is in the edits.

If you see a design you like but it’s not on the product you want it on, let me know and we’ll hook you up.

Happy Holidays!
Bria and MG

PLUS a whole boatload of other great stuff for readers and writers at The Yardsale! Stop by

The problem with a process is that it can become a barrier. When a tool becomes a set of superstitions, you’ve got a problem.

One of the cardinal rules of my process is that for that initial 9-12 days I do my Disaster Draft (the first run through of putting my story on the page) I do only writing. There’s no other incoming source of story. No TV. No books. No movies. No radio. No music outside that story’s playlist. Nothing. Nothing that’s going to place something beyond my story inside my head.

This ahs been a point of annoyance for some friends. Especially if we’re writing together somewhere during that time. They want to take breaks and watch movies or chill in front of the TV and I’ve always said, I’m sorry. I can’t. If you want to though, go for it.

The past book, I began to wonder if maybe that part of my process had become a superstition. That I was holding so hard to that idea that maybe it wasn’t even valid now… or maybe it wasn’t even valid before.

This DD I allowed myself to do all those things. My writing was getting finished on my commute, so by the time I got home, not only was my writing brain exhausted, but I’d managed to hit my page count as well. It seemed I deserved a reward.

The question I bet your asking yourself is: Did it work? Were you able to write your DD as well as usual breaking that rule?

Well, the answer isn’t a clean yes or no. Yes, I got my DD done in my normal amount of time. Yes, it’s a full story and has all the key stuff a DD should have. Yes, it’s a great base to work from. But there’s a little bit of no in there too.

I feel like the whiteboard is a little more crowded with “go back and”s — I feel like some of the characters growth is in jumps instead of seamless straight line. Maybe there’s a few more extra small scenes that need to be added or pumped up.

Granted, if you’re following this books progress, it’s had more than its fair share of set backs (lost pages, a downloading issue, the idea that its very different from what’s going on in the YA world right now)… but in the long run, I have to stop and ask: What’s different in the “no” way because of the change in process? What did I lose by testing this rule? Did I gain anything?

And so, if you’re not testing y our process — or maybe if you don’t even know what your process is — it’s time to do that. It’s time to learn how you work, because if you’re not testing the process, you’re not growing the process.

kk,
Bria