I struggled with what to call this post. Things like, Learning to Date or Finding Mr. Right, came to mind. But those all felt silly. Ok, the whole thing feels a little silly.
But, in my life, that’s par for the course.
If you don’t know what I’m talking about, check out my New Years [Happy New Year ->OR<- I Didn't See That Coming] post about how I got sucked into a Get Out There And Date Till You Find Mr. Right pact.
My knee-jerk reaction was the same thing it is when someone “catches me” reading a romance: Justify, justify, justify.
But, here’s the truth: I’m a woman in my 30s. I’ve done a lot, traveled, gone to grad school, created a great life and wonderful circle of friends, I have a career and I’m pursing the dream of publication. I’m by no means “desperate” to find a guy to fill some void (I’m actually actively considering where the space for a solid relationship should come from).
When a man reaches this point in his life and says, You know what? I’d like to find the right girl and get married – he’s “matured” he’s ready to “settle down”. When a woman reaches the same point, she’s become “desperate”.
And so, breaking that misconception I’m going to not only keep with the group, but continue blogging about it all year. For a couple reasons:
- Yes, because there is nothing wrong with women who have created full, great lives wanting to be married to the right guy.
- It’s an opportunity to hangout with girlfriends. With those full lives, we just don’t see each other as often as we’d all like.
- To get to go out and do fun stuff.
- Because you guys got such a kick out of every other havoc filled part of my life (um, Boss Cowboy anyone? Setting myself on fire? Should I even continue listing them?) I thought it would be fun to give a little back for my readers’ enjoyment (read: suck you in to this journey too. I expect dating stories in return!)
- My books may tackle some hefty topics, but they’re still rom coms! What better way to research than to share my adventures and findings here!
- Because, if I’m going to do something, I’m going to do it all the way.
Like any good nerd, I went out and started researching. I picked up, Have Him at Hello: Confessions from 1,000 Guys About What Makes Them Fall in Love . . . Or Never Call Back.
Armed with her Harvard MBA, Rachel embarked on a fascinating 10-year research project to decipher this puzzle. In Have Him at Hello, she applies her business savvy to the dating world by conducting in-depth “exit interviews” with 1,000 single men, asking why they called back one woman, but not another. By refusing to accept the post-date brush-off like “There wasn’t any chemistry…” or the excited, but equally vague evening recap, “We hit it off!” Rachel extracted unabashedly honest and raw details.
I thought it looked funny and fun. Right up my alley. But to be honest (while it was both of those things) it was also fascinating. The writer in me thinks every woman who writes books with relationships in them should read it.
Also, my housemate Wine Guy kept nodding as I read facts out lout do him. Basically, as a grad thesis thing, this woman talked to 1000 guys about why they didn’t make a second date. Some of it was absurd. Some of it was interesting. A little of it was disheartening. All of it was from a guys point of view.
So, with my first homework done (Oh, don’t you worry. The trip to the library has more books sitting on my TBR pile!) I headed out to our first Eves’ Night Out: Tuesday Night Trivia. Refresher: we decided to do it every Tuesday in January as our first month kick-off.
The MC was great. Funny, nice, kept things moving. The bar had great food and drinks. Wasn’t too dark or too loud. We were told it was an extremely light night and definitely to come back by the waitress.
The guys were… not so much. There were three options:
- There with their girlfriends
- Too young
- Um, no.
Let me clarify the Um, no category for this particular Tuesday night… The name of their team was: Hand Models in search of Hand Jobs.
Yeah.
Seriously.
Um, no.
Oh! We did get approached once: By a 60 year-old drunk-off-his-butt guy. He sat one table away for thirty minutes watching us in one of those uncomfortable stare kind of ways. Then he wove his way over (yes, he was drunk enough to weave for the two steps to our table) and asked if he could sit with us. No. Just for a minute? No. I’ll be quiet. I’ll just sit there and watch you and you won’t even know I’m here. No! No! Noooooo.
Also an Um, no.
To be honest, it was exactly the type of night I expected. I doubt I’ll meet someone in a bar, but I could always be wrong.
That being said. It was a great night and that’s all that mattered. I’m only close with 1/2 the group, so it was fun to get to know one of the other girls better.
And so, in my journey to get out more, have fun, hangout with girlfriends and maybe meet Mr. Right, that’s week one for you folks.
It’s your turn to tell me your favorite Um, no approach. Go on! You know you want to 
Don’t worry, I’m sure the ridiculousness level will only go up from here!
kissy-kissy,
Brie
(1) that book sounds really interesting. do you still have it out from the library? might i peruse it?
(2) trivia names are always inappropriate. that’s part of the fun (to make it awkward when the DJ reads all the names out…)
(3) that umm, no guy? EWWWWW.
(4) having fun with your friends while searching for a guy? sounds like right attitude to me!
keep those stories coming!
When the year is done I sincerely hope you put all this in a book and call it Eve’s Night Out…that is an AWESOME title for a book
. And what a fun topic too! I never did date a lot, but I’d have to say my Um..No was when I was waitressing (in a truck stop…I know, but it was the only place in the town of 2k people to get a job). One of my customers passed me a lovely hand-written note that said “Want to go out back and make babies?” Um…No. And no, he wasn’t in any way attractive, even before the note. He took the note back when I burst out laughing and proceeded to hand it to several other girls until one did, in fact, take him up on his offer. True story.
HEY Abby lol.
1. No. I actually borrowed it from someone else after seeing it on Amazon. It was really interesting and factual. Wine Guy is willing to give it the Guy Endorsement LOL
2. Yes. There were a lot of funny names, but I don’t think I could ever date a guy that the first thing I heard about him was that…even in joking…all freaking night.
3. Um, yeah. No.
4. I’m always up for the fun part! Thanks
Melinda! WANT TO GO OUT AND MAKE BABIES!!!! SERIOUSLY???
Oh My Gosh. What a riot. I can’t believe he kept using the same note. Pity the girl who finally said ok!
Way to go after what you want, Brie!
My favorite Um, No approach? I was once approached in a bar by a decent looking guy. In fact, he was pretty good looking but in that, “I know I’m good looking” kind of way. He comes up to me and says, “I watched you come in.”
That was his pick up line: I watched you come in.
At the time, I just waited, sure there was something more he was going to say. I watched you come in AND….
Nothing. That was it.
I couldn’t decide whether I was supposed to be flattered (“Wow, you’re SO attractive and you noticed little old me?”) or it it was an opening for me to compliment him (“Oh, and I definitely noticed you, hunka hunka burning love.”)
So, I settled for, “Lucky me.”
Then there was awkwardness as I stared at him in confusion. Finally he slinked away.
Dude, at least say hi. Hi, I’m XYZ. How are you? Even something cheesy that could have made me laugh. Being cute doesn’t give you the right to use lame pick ups. Good pickups are for everyone, even the attractive.
Marnee – That’s awesome. I would have wanted to ask him if he watched the door most nights? LOL I’m hard to miss not be invisible and all.
Last week (and @tawnafenske may have snarked me back on twitter about this one) I was explaining that, “You have a nice a$$” is not a great way to start your introduction.
She pointed out that maybe if he’d started with, Hi. My names… You have a nice a$$ it might have been better *rolls eyes!
I was always a fan of the boring old, “Hi, my name is…. How are you tonight?”
It’s an oldie but a goodie. But I’ve been out of rotation for a while. Maybe they’ve come up with something better since I’ve done the circuit.
And Bria, you shouldn’t turn down a nice a$$ compliment. The appropriate response is, “Why thank you, it performs all the necessary, a$$-related functions.”
*SNORT*
I’m not sure I could even get that out of my mouth past the “Seriously???” smirk.
Yeah. The best line is direct, honest, and sincere… as well as including your name LOL